What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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