You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
