I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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