Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
