It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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