Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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