We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
