did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize