and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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