he shaved USA in his pubs
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
