so explain again why im purple
no
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
