I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
