i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize