He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think my moral compass just broke
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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