Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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