Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
