I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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