I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Green mimosas i think yes
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
