at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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