I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
