Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
