I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize