Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
