i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
