I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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