oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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