I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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