my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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