haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
