You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Congratulations! We have a period
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
