One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Im part way to drunk.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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