I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Damn victory sex feels great
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
