we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's never too late to be topless.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
