We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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