Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
