Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
