My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
