And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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