We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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