I could make wine with my vomit
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
