i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
