How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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