She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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