erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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