Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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