I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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