You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
