I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
