Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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