When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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