Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
