I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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