if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
