Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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