I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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