All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
