I will die if light touches me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
