Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize