some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
