Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
