that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
