So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
