Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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