so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
