hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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