I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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