Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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