There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
