he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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