I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
