why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
