Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
