im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
