I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
