Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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