She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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