i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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