I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
