no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
