dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
