fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
