He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize