I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I want her autograph on my taint
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
