she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
if i died would you start the facebook group?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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