All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
