I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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