A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize