I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
