I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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