It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
