sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
