he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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