HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
