Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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