Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
