dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize