I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
