It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
