Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Sorry my hands just texted you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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